the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize