I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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