Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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