batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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