May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
