He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Fuck appropriateness.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
