you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
