Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
