Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
