Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
