She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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