I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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