the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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