You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
