Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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