I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
