Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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