dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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