Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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