omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize