I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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