be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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