I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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