Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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