Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
