you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
