And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He felt like a one man threesome
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize