I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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