did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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