y did u give ur computer a hand job?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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