There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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