just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am available for nakedness
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
