and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
