Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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