You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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