Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
