Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
