I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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