i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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