Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
