It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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