Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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