i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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