His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
