i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
