some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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