We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
