My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
