This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
