yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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