What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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