he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We're too hungover to prance.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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