I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
