i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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