how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize