I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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