ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
