I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize