The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
