Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
