It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
