When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
