he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
