true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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