get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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