I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize