32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
