yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
