I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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