The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
