She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
